Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize