we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
