he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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