In the future we'll all be gay
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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