guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
