Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
