That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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