I didn't shave. On purpose
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
