Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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