Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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