That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
