no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
