The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
