and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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