he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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