Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize