if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize