you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
