dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
