I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
