i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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