So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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