he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
