I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
