I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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