i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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