I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
