You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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