i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
