I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
