I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
