im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize