hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
