Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
