those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
