The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
