I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
