I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
