I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize