I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
