You can't motorboat a personality
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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