I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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