thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
