Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
