i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
