He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
