I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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