that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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