I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
