I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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