bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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