to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
