i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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