Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
