CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
