Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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