Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize