you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
