im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
