i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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