3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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