I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
