been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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