this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he puts the penis in happiness.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
