just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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