just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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