I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
