Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
