Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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