ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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