Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
