Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
