Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
