Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
