I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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