I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
