haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
a search helicopter?!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
