i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize