the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
