I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
