my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize