So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
