Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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