Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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