girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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