wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
