zippers are such a cool invention
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
