I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
