If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
