So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
