There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i dont even know how to be here
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
