You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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