Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
