I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
