Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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