remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Randomize
