great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think my moral compass just broke
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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