I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Everything about him screamed your future.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
