I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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