Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize